The Order Of the Iron Phoenix's Blog

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Oklahoma tornado causes severe damage

May 20th, 2013

A sever Tornado reported in Oklahoma has caused severe structural damage, destroying multiple school and shopping centers. The damage up to this point most certainly is not well documented.

Some claim that “numerous casualties have been sustained”. Although possible, these sources are heavily unreliable.

Just a few miles away from Oklahoma City, images might speak better than words. Clearly the fact that the damage is being addressed hours after the storm has passed is not a good thing.

destroyed town

destroyed town

Continue Reading…

Help me I really want to beat my wife again, but I really shouldn’t!

May 20th, 2013

I know it’s wrong, don’t blame me for being a bad sport. I beat her every time , she just doesn’t stand a chance. We play checkers every night, and I just can’t let her win!

And here you were, thinking I beat her senseless , no , no, its just checkers. Maybe I don’t even have a wife.

Slap

Slap

Female vigilante chases down kidnapper

May 17th, 2013

A mother was out for a stroll at a local park in Albuquerque, NM early today. Unfortunately, she took her eyes off her child for less than one single minute, and her child was kidnapped.

As oppose to what the average person would do, this clearly dedicated mother took things into her own hands. Thats right! She sped right after the alleged kidnapper!

The chase ended when the mother allegedly crashed her car into the kidnapper’s car. The kidnapper then took off on foot, official word does not disclose the condition of the child, or if the child was even located in the car. Perhaps the kidnapper took her with him?

Anyways, the kidnapper ran as fast as he could into the surrounding woods. Police have set up a five hundred yard perimeter, and are using every man they can spare, and many dogs as well.

The kidnapper is alleged to have conducted an earlier kidnapping of another child. Again , the condition of this child is also unknown. But yeah, vigilante almost stops kidnapper makes for great headlines! Too bad we don’t have all the information yet :/

31-year-old David Hernandez WANTED STILL AT LARGE

31-year-old David Hernandez WANTED STILL AT LARGE

Pirates thwarted off coast of Buenaventura anchorage, Colombia

May 17th, 2013

On the shored of Buenaventura anchorage, Colombia, nine individuals wearing ski masks began approaching a cotton carrying vessel. The “shore security” recognized these individuals as “obvious thieves”.

The watchguard signaled a call of distress, at which point local enforcement quickly moved in. The nine men , potentially armed, were nearly apprehended.

Unfortunately, as the coast guard stationed in that area approached, the nine Columbian pirates scrambled in their speedboat. A more thorough search of the area revealed nothing but a few crowbars.

Local authorities assume it was just a few locals looking to make a few easy dollars.

Columbian pirate boat

Columbian pirate boat

 

Togo Pirate attack on chemical transport ship results in firefight

May 17th, 2013

A merchant chemical carrier was attacked by a group of pirates only three miles off the coast of Togo. Upon identifying the approaching vessel as “potentially dangerous” , the crew of the chemical carrier raised the alarm, and began to move in “full motion”.

As the attempt to flee seemed futile , as the larger chemical carrier couldn’t exactly outmaneuver a speedboat , the local Togo “navy” or maybe coast guard (information about exact entity withheld) intervened [responding to the distress call].

A brazen firefight erupted , pinning the Togo sea protection vessel against the pirate vessel. The pirate vessel was nearly obliterated, taking crippling damage to the side lower hull and rear, although it was not scuttled.

Traces of human blood in the aftermath indicate the possibility of excessive damage caused to the pirates. As of now, nobody other than the pirates were injured. Small bullet holes and  minor rpg damage was sustained to the enforcement ship. No further damage was reported on the Chemical ship.

Togo pirate attack

Togo pirate attack

Tip for 05/16/2013

May 17th, 2013

Remember that regardless of your age, you can always look forward to something! Even if you are in your 50s, you can look forward to retirement. For the rest of us, just remember that the daily struggles of life  will be a thing of the past come tomorrow. Live your life and enjoy it!

when i grow up i will sit at the big table

when i grow up i will sit at the big table

Crazy Wiggly GIFS

May 17th, 2013

Whats better than plain old boring GIFS ? Videos perhaps, but who has time for those? Here is a compilation of radical GIFS that will totally make you feel intoxicated! Part on brahs!

cat gets stick

cat gets stick

This cat is so happy! He finally can has that weird pink thingy. Just watch this when you’re not all 100% ok, it looks way more amazing… if you know what we mean. Continue Reading…

Oldest living animal discovered

May 16th, 2013

When you think of old age, 70 sounds about the right time to die, right? Well not for the Galapagos giant tortoise! The average lifespan of a Galapagos Giant Tortoise is almost 180 years!

Then it comes as no surprise that these animals could possibly have this longevity due to the fact that they are so freaking slow. The average weight of these reptiles is just barely below half a ton!

They tend to eat their weight in shrubbery , being dedicated vegetarians, on a daily basis. Not only that, but the shell is literally such hardened calcium , which grows thicker each year, that even modern rifle rounds might have difficulty penetrating it!

We lied, sort of, this animal was not discovered. Rather, back in the day, Charles Darwin himself found them. Quoting them as being rather “amusing” in his work “on the origin of species”.

If you ever see one, gtfo out of it’s way! This thing could bulldoze you at the speed of well… a tortoise.

And you know what? At age 180 , they are still going strong! No ED , nothing!

Galapagos Turtles

Galapagos Turtles

Princess Monster Truck

May 15th, 2013

Following in the footsteps of Grumpy Cat , Princess Monster Truck promises to bring yet another cat into general circulation. You see, much like bub and grumpy, Monster is slightly unique, mainly the sharp fangs and rough hair.

To commemorate this “rising star” , here are a few images of the “to be” Internet pop sensation!

Princess Monster Truck

Princess Monster Truck

Continue Reading…

The World’s Largest Tree

May 13th, 2013

The world’s largest tree isn’t a redwood in the forests of North America. No, No, it’s actually a cashew tree is located in Natal, Brazil. It is , surprisingly a cashew tree.

If you look at this thing from an areal view, it’s pretty boring. In fact, it looks like a bunch of trees , bundled together into a small “forest” like structure.

This however is just one tree.

Largest Tree in the world

Largest Tree in the world

Continue Reading…

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