So I’m going to bore you by sharing a beautiful story about my own life today (again).
Ok, I was taking a stroll in this town I sort of know (name withheld) , in the good old states , of course. And so I got out of my car(which is a pos =).
Now, like most Americans I tend to use my GPS for everything because its very accurate, and Its installed on my iphone.
Anyways, I got out of my car, took my iphone with me, and started using my gps app to find this restaurant , I was meeting a business partner, naturally.
And as I was walking , I was so focused on the whole “gps” thing, that I walked forward completely oblivious to my surroundings, now this would not be such an issue on most days, but today was special, yes, very special.
Yes, today the townsfolk decided to trim the branches of the “low” trees, the young ones with the annoying branches that you have to squat to avoid.
Going forward, I did not see them, nor was I concerned about the fact that my head would not clear them.
All of a sudden, I felt this super sharp pain on the tip of my scalp, I was awestruck.
And so , as a normal human would, I twitched in pain and began touching the top of my head to “see the damage”.
The funny thing is, my hand was drenched in blood when I looked at it after touching my skull.
So, as I was saying fuck discretely not to disturb the fellow commoners passing me by, I ran to some small fast food place and grabbed a few paper napkins.
Thinking this would be sufficient, I rubbed my head, and again the towels would not stop sucking up blood.
So I sat there, and all of a sudden I looked up. I knew I was close to the Atlantic ocean and all, and seagulls are not a rare site to me , but these ones flew especially strangely.
They took that sort of “stuka dive bomber” type tactic towards me, naturally I assumed they were expecting me to feed them.
But as they got closer, I saw something, in very slow motion.
These bastard seagulls were dropping bombs. The white, moist bombs were literally flying at an angle towards me. I just said “shit” and 3/15 landed directly on my head, a few more on my shoes and one on my lips.
So, what are the chances that this could all happen to someone as it did to me? Well, have you ever gotten shat on your head by a bird? 99% of the earth’s population never will, let alone have three shits land on an open wound.
God, it’s at times like this that any man feels cursed, although this whole situation is rather funny to me -_-
A cute seagull
