Early yesterday, neighbors sent in a 911 distress call to report a naked man running through a forest in central Maine.
The man allegedly was running around, touching his genitals, and screaming. He was indeed covered in anti stick, buttery cooking spray. He was also carrying around a pair of shorts in his left hand.
Police apprehended the man, beat him until he surrendered, shot him with a tranquilizer and took him to jail. there they stated “meth” was found in his shorts.
Neighbors say they woke up to the ruckus at around 7:00 am, as the man, in a narcotic coma, was screaming blasphemous things and touching himself.
He is now facing charges of indecent exposure, resisting arrest and possession of illegal paraphernalia.