The Cthulhu Portal Gets Festive

The Cthulhu Portal Gets Festive
In commemoration of the upcoming holidays, we have added a few holiday extras around the website. Additionally we will be holding a raffle for “Cthulhu Points” on Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Christmas Eve and New Years Eve + Day. The End of the year is fast approaching and the Cthulhu Portal is reaching its third year in existence. We want to thank everyone that has ever visited this website and we wish you a happy holiday season! :)Cheers, The Cthulhu Portal Team
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Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire Released

Pokémon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire Released
The newest installation of the pokemon franchise has been officially released yesterday. These two games feature a re-introduction of of the Hoenn region which was originally hinted at in pokemon gold and silver and later put into realization in the original ruby and sapphire games.These two new Pokemon games promise to introduce some new concepts as well as the maintenance and re-introduction of old concepts.The games promise to bring back the old flair associated with the Hoenn as well as the introduction of some new unique features like dive battles (we miss dive).Another promising feature is the re-introduction of Pokemon contest. No , we don't mean the nonsense we saw in Diamond and Pearl ; we mean the same-style and feature contests we all know and love in the original Ruby,Sapphire and Emerald games.Are there differences between the two games? The largest difference is obviously whether someone prefers Kyogre or Groudon....
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The Dental Procedure That Can Kill You

The Dental Procedure That Can Kill You
The longtime fear of most children might come to realization. That’s right, getting your teeth drilled can actually be deadly! There is a positive correlation associated by the common procedure known as a “root canal” and the onset of various diseases including cancer.Scientific data backed by prominent professor Weston Price (PHD) indicated that (after six years of clinical trials on humans), there is no safe way to perform a root canal. Dr. Weston Price concluded that through killing the nerve which connects the tooth to the gum and simultaneously destroying the blood vessels which root into the tooth (like tree roots) , the body has no ability to combat any bacteria which may find haven between the dead tooth and the nutrient-rich gums. In essence, by performing a root canal, the person is subjecting their body to a host of bacteria which can feed on proteins, carbohydrates and lipids both consumed...
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Ebola Spreads To The United States

Ebola Spreads To The United States
Following the initial outbreak of Ebola, the first case of Ebola has been diagnosed in a patient flying from Liberia to Texas.The patient allegedly experienced some of the known symptoms of the ebola virus and contacted health officials for treatment. Although the victim did not suspect the diagnosis to be ebola, doctors have confirmed that it is, unfortunately, the first case of ebola in the United States from the past four decades.The victim has been noted to be in isolation in a hospital in Texas. Earlier this week, hospital authorities noted that the victim is in “critical condition”. However, there are some positive turns in the patient’s condition and death is not 100% certain. Hospital workers have taken severe precautions to prevent the spread of the deadly virus, however, it has been noted that the patient (who came in undiagnosed) might have infected hundreds of people [unknowingly].A similar incident was observed...
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Should I Get An Iphone 6 Or Iphone 6 Plus?

Should I Get An Iphone 6 Or Iphone 6 Plus?
Rich people always seem to have the most complicated problems. Perhaps today you came here wondering whether you should get an iphone 6 or an iphone 6 plus… correct?Well, luckily we can be very strait-forward and tell you that there are only slight differences between these two monstrous excuses for “cell phones”. Can we start by saying that these phones perform 100% identically and therefore there is no performance difference between the “plus model” and the regular? The only difference between the plus and the regular is the size. Obviously, we can also say that the battery on the plus is larger and therefore the adapter is a different voltage. However, both phones should last the same period of time and be able to perform the same tasks interchangeably.So what now? Well, if you have pockets that can fit a tablet; please get the plus model. If you are anything like...
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Florida Man Punches Police Officer and Poops Pants

Florida Man Punches Police Officer and Poops Pants
According to local police reports, a middle aged man was pulled over by a police officer for an overdue rental on a van.The police report then states that the man stepped out of the van and punched the police officer in the face. The officer apparently hit the individual back and the man pooped himself (a large defecation was noted on his clear white underwear).Apparently, the individual was only wearing tighty whities and a wifebeater at the time of the assault.The man was arrested and arraigned on resisting arrest and assault. As a follow-up , reports claim the man received 6 months in federal prison.
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Woman Steals 60,000$ Of Legos

Woman Steals 60,000$ Of Legos
An Island Park, New York Woman was arrested early today following a bizarre incident in which 60,000$ of Legos were reported stolen. Apparently, after fierce interrogation, the woman claimed that she had the intent to distribute/sell the Legos on eBay for money.The 53 year old allegedly stuffed over 800 boxes of Legos into a cart and ran out the doors before being blocked by police.53 year old Gloria Haas now faces up to 15 years behind bars. Upon her arrest, it was noted that she requested a box of tissues (probably to QQ).
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Yazidi Men Slaughtered

Yazidi Men Slaughtered
A new report coming in from the “New Iraq” has posed some very dramatic and concerning statements. Apparently, following the seizure of land around the city of Mosul and surrounding areas, mass genocides have taken place.Although there were interventions by U.S. planes which apparently suppressed some of the insurgents, fresh reports of mass killings involving religious minorities (Yazidi) have surfaced.Apparently, Yazidi individuals are deemed “devious” and are associated with the worship of a fallen angel (satan). These people have subsequently been killed in mass executions.Regardless, the mass killings that have taken place late yesterday and early today cannot be justified. There has been no formal “call to action” by the United States or any of her allies in regards to this growing crisis. The best solution, claimed by allied commanders, is to lend indirect support and supplies.We will continue to report on this situation as it progresses.
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Robin Williams Found Dead

Robin Williams Found Dead
63 year old actor and prominent comedian Robin Williams has been found dead in his Tiburon, California home. Apparently, police have claimed that Robin Williams did not appear murdered, but rather it was apparent that he had committed suicide.A press conference with Robin Williams’ publisher revealed that Williams had been suffering severe depression for an extended period of time. There has been no statement made as to the method used in the apparent suicide. Robin Williams is well known for his role in movies like Mrs. Doubtfire and Shrink . Williams was due to be viewed in the new “Night At The Museum” movie that will air later this year. Williams will be deeply missed by his loving, and very supporting fans.
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The Ebola Outbreak Of 2014

The Ebola Outbreak Of 2014
An Ebola outbreak has descended upon humanity since early last month. The appalling rate of this viral epidemic has afflicted over 1,000 people. As of today, an estimated 3 people have died and many others are noted to be on the “verge of death”.A Minnesota man of Liberian origin was the first known victim of the Ebola outbreak. Sawyer was allegedly on a business trip to Nigeria when he was struck by the virus. Sawyer was isolated for over 24 hours by Nigerian nurses before they realized that he was, indeed, positive for the rare Ebola virus. Sawyer would later die in the hospital due to the Ebola affliction.In more recent days, the nurse that had been tasked to treat sawyer became the third victim of the Ebola outbreak. Regardless of the fact that she was diagnosed early, medical treatment failed her and she died quickly.The second documented death was a...
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Formula 3 Racing Car Powered By Chocolate

Formula 3 Racing Car Powered By Chocolate
Can you imagine a fully decomposable vehicle? Just take a second to consider how that could be possible. Even stranger, what If that car was a racecar?Such a model does exist. A group of students at the University of Warwick , England have created a racecar (formula 3) using a corn based resin. The car includes brake pads made of cashew shells, a steering wheel made of carrots and seats made of polymerized banana peels. And did we mention the emission could have you slobbering? This car runs 100% on chocolate. The engine is built to combust a chocolate-based oil with a catalyst that eliminates any emissions. This vehicle truly takes green to a new level, very much unlike a Prius.
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California Mudslide Leaves Many Stranded

California Mudslide Leaves Many Stranded
A recent mudslide on Mount Baldy,California spurred by intense thunderstorms, has left one man dead and over 2,500 other stranded.The devastation was allegedly caused by excessive rainfall which contributed to the collapse of ledges on high mountains and subsequently a large flow of wet mud. The event took place over a 16 hour period and an unknown number of people lay dead in its ruin. Only one body was found and positively identified as 48-year old Joo Hwan Lee. His body was found in a flooded creek inside of a vehicle.The devastation, unfortunately, took place in an area frequented by many people. A recent report stated that 5 people and one dog were air-lifted out of the mud and sent to a local hospital to treat their injuries.We will have more on this subject as we receive more information.
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Chinese Fisherman Catches Massive Whale Shark

Chinese Fisherman Catches Massive Whale Shark
A Chinese fisherman caught more than a pond smelt today. According to sources directly from China, the fisherman reeled in a 4.1 meter whale shark (that’s almost 14 feet).The massive creature allegedly put up quite the fight, however, the fisherman somehow managed to defeat the behemoth in the long struggle.The fisherman claimed that the giant monster attempted to eat other fish already in a net, got stuck and died. The whale shark is endangered and illegal to harvest in China. However, the fisherman did not want to put the animal to waste and decided to sell it off for meat.The fisherman claimed that he wanted to make 20,000 Yuan for his catch. Nobody has yet commented on what the fish tastes like.
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The New Iraq

The New Iraq
Following the withdrawal of all U.N. personnel from Iraq, there have been terrible consequences. In an almost reminiscent occurrence to what took place In Vietnam, it can be clearly observed that the enemy that the United States came to fight was never defeated. In fact, much like Vietnam, they simply decided to lay below the radar until all foreign troops moved out.Starting early this month and unceasingly continuing, the country has become the forefront of yet another bloody and calculated turmoil. Those “Islamic extremists” the U.N. fought so hard to detain have finally let themselves flow like water from a destroyed dam. Worse yet, the force of these organized attackers is overwhelming local authorities in the area which were set up to keep order.In cities like Mosul, these extremists have taken over almost completely. Typically, these takeovers are followed by massacres and the destruction of landmarks.Most famously, these extremists recently converged...
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Sprites

Sprites
Something that can never be truly understood is always a source of extreme fascination. And although mankind has reached an apex in the world of technology, we still do not have a complex understanding of the world around us.On our beloved planet earth, we can see such an inexplicable phenomenon. High above the clouds, there is lightning which does not shoot down, but rather, it shoots towards the heavens.Often a subject of controversial speculation, this type of “inverted weather” is called a “sprite” by scientists and the slang term “space angel” by others. These names are given due to the abnormal distribution of the Sprites which can often resemble wings and a torso or octopus tentacles.In more modern times, it is very easy to dismiss these bizarre occurrences as what scientist can only claim to be the reason behind these occurrences. This, of course, is attributed to a negative charge in...
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World Cup 2014 Closes

World Cup 2014 Closes
The 2014 European Football (soccer) World Cup has come to a close. Following an astounding show of sportsmanship and trials of entertainment, this world cup will go down in the chapters of history.From the preliminary rounds more than two months ago to the furious battles that took shape on the fields of Rio De Janeiro and the stunning finisher game , this entire event can be summarized as…. Simply spectacular.Following a powerful German and astounding Dutch and Argentine performances, nobody was left disappointed. Even with a crushing defeat on their own turf, the Brazilians cheered on the final teams until the end.Today, the closing ceremony took place with performances by international entertainers including Shakira and Carlos Santana. Men and women from all over the world celebrated the final game and the outcome.This event is truly spectacular and we only hope that the following (in four years’ time) world cup can be...
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Israel continues to push into Gaza

Israel continues to push into Gaza
A swift call to end all engagements has been drawn up and slammed at Israel by the United Nations. This comes following a series of bombardments and ground invasions by Israel into Gaza.Allegedly, many of these attacks are targeting civilians rather than Hamas (some radical Islamic group) members.Israeli mediums to the U.N. have claimed that these efforts are already showing results including the destruction of Hamas missile sites.Israeli politicians are also claiming that four soldiers have been killed since the invasion began two days ago.Israeli politicians and leaders made promises earlier today to avenge the deaths of their comrades. But at what price?The U.N. would generally not interfere in a crisis unless there was already a significant incline towards a potential loss. In other words something has already happened to get the U.N’s attention.Regardless of the U.N.’s pleas for a more diplomatic mediation, Israel is still continuing the bombing and border...
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"How to Survive the Running of the Bulls" author does not survive the Running of the Bulls

"How to Survive the Running of the Bulls" author does not survive the Running of the Bulls
Bill Hillmann, 33, author and writer of a book called “How to survive the Running of the Bulls” was badly mauled by a large bull during today’s Running of the Bulls event. Ironically, Hillmann’s book specifically targeted surviving a charge and evading a mauling.Hillmann was seen in a user-video being pushed to the side by a large crowd, and subsequently trampled by a large bull. The video also demonstrates one of the bull’s horns penetrating into Hillmann’s right thigh.Hillman was only one of four people injured in the entire Running of the Bulls event this year. The other three men , all locals, suffered lesser injuries during the famous event.Hillman , however, might have issues selling his book after this embarrassing incident.
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Israel launches attack into Palestine

Israel launches attack into Palestine
In an act not seen since the last Iraq war, Israel has quite literally marched armored columns into Palestine. This action was the successor to a series of bombardments along prominent targets in the Palestine area. According to Peter Lerner, Lieutenant Colonel, the strategic bombardments took place to thwart Hamas activity and redundant rocket raids on the Israeli border.The targets noted by the defense ministry of Palestine were evacuated prior to the bombardment. As a direct result, only seven people were injured during the entire operation and zero casualties were reported.The operation nicknamed “Operation Edge” was basically a showing of teeth to any Hamas member or radical Palestinian. It basically told them that if they attack or plot to attack Israel, they will be counter-attacked.This comes only shortly after several severe attacks noted in the region by the defense ministry of Israel. No comments were directly made by the leaders of...
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Florida residents trap boa constrictor in barbecue

Florida residents trap boa constrictor in barbecue
Florida residents were noted to have trapped a loose boa constrictor in a barbeque today. Apparently, the 12-foot long snake was very casually slithering around town when vigil-antis decided they had enough.Apparently, the snake decided to cross the road (better a 12-foot python than a chicken right?) and the civilians pounced on it with a barbecue. After wrestling with the snake for a few minutes, they finally managed to shove it so deep down the barbecue that it could no longer slither away and strangle the wildlife.Police stated that the residents used pillowcase to secure the snake inside of the barbecue. When interrogated by the local authorities about whether the residents planned to make the python into hotdogs, the unanimous answer was “no”.Eyewitness reports claim that one man stated “I never did wonder what python tastes like”. Nobody but a few small rodents were hurt in this incident.
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