Naked burglar found covered in peanut butter and chocolate

Workers were rather shocked to find a 22 year old naked man on the ground of a local supermarket yesterday morning. According to police reports, 22 year old Andrew Toothman was found lying in peanut butter and chocolate , naked in a local IGA market.Toothman not only left a mess, but he also wrote " I'm sorry" in nyquil all over the floor. Naked, drunk and covered in sweets. Toothman was charged with burglary , various other misdemeanors, and of course public indecency!This is a case of severe failiure. naked man covered in peanut butter and chocolate arrested
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Seattle man masturbates, tells police he was getting some sun

A public masturbator was doing his thing, fap fap fap and all , when a middle aged fat woman came near him. She instantly noticed he was masturbating and tried to look away, but her eyes couldn't do it! The man took off his shorts, showing her his massive pickle!She ran , calling for help (lol) , and police arrived shortly. Police grabbed the man , who claimed "I was just getting some sun!". Police beat the man and arrested him shortly after the incident, inditing him on charges of public masturbation , flashing , disorderly conduct and public nudity.This man now faces up to 10 days in prison for his heinous crime! hahahahaha! public fapper gets some sun
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Man arrested and charged for living under portable toilets

Luke ChriscoLuke Chrisco, perhaps the most perverted man of 2013 has been sentenced to three years in prison and ten years on parole for hiding in portable toilet sewers and spying on naked men and women.Luke Chrisco accordingly dug trenches under the septic tanks of the portable toilets , and placed cameras underneath , taping anyone that went in. Early last year, a woman reported a man running out of the sewer after being spotted, covered in feces.Police caught the man , sanitized him, beat him and took him to prison. He has been taped and confirmed more than twenty times by locals. Plus, his video footage shows much more. As a result, Luke Chrisco was sentenced to three years in prison. What a naughty man -- he wont be doing this again for a while.
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16 pirates with huge knives steal pounds of pork

Again , the coast of  Chittagong, Bangladesh has been hit by a strange pirate attack. Sixteen pirates armed to the teeth with what appears to be three foot long butcher knives boarded a Bangladeshi ship early today.The pirates sped towards the anchored ship going 12 nautical miles per hour on a twin engine , expensive looking speedboat. After boarding the ship, the men ran to the cargo decks below. The crew, however, were alerted quickly and rang an alarm.This resulted in the pirates taking what they had (apparently half a ton of raw pork) , placing it in their (probably stolen) speedboat , and running off.When authorities arrived, film image was acquired from a local dock speed monitor camera. An investigation has been launched , but the chances of finding the boat are probably "pretty slim" -- according to the local chief of police.The total monetary loss in pork is totaled...
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Vietnamese pirates steal anchors

A recent report off the coast of Cam Pha, Vietnam indicated a piracy in which multiple assailants boarded a bulk carrier using a tarp covered speedboat. Upon getting close, the pirates removed the tarp and fired lines onto the carrier. The pirates then preceded to board the carrier.After a few minutes of searching the bulk carrier, the pirates allegedly broke the freight (which was boxed in wooden containers). Apparently, there was displeasure with the content and the pirates stole the ship's anchor and auxiliary anchor instead , consequently and stealthily speeding off.The incident was reported to local authorities, resulting in a drafted and ongoing case to find the stolen anchors. the assault boat (close replica)
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How to get tree sap off your car

Tree sap can be very annoying , in some situations your driveway might be directly below some pine trees , causing that "sperm effect" where the tree sap is all over your car like bird s$it every morning. Luckily, there is a "do it yourself" way of removing the sap rather easily!We do also know that the sap turns white , and is usually is full of needles --making it (the sap chunks)painful to try to tear off-. Worst of all, sometimes the sap on the windshield can cause you to lose focus , and maybe not see something you should see in front of you (wouldn't that suck major d1#k?).Ok, so, just like our tutorial on "how to remove tree sap from your hands" , this is pretty freaking easy. So easy it actually hurts! Just go down to the local shop , buy some green (works better than clear)...
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Man sticks Eel In Ass

Man sticks Eel In Ass
A man in Southeast China came to a hospital with a very bizarre story. Apparently, the man had watched a porn film in which one person stuck a large eel into another person’s ass.Naturally, the man decided to give it a try. Unfortunately, unlike in the porn, the eel got stuck in this individual’s ass and he had to ask local doctors to extract it.The local doctors could do nothing so the man ended up in a local hospital. The man claimed that the extraction “did not feel good”.
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Is the civilized world going to stand against Syria?

Incidents involving Syria have had a very predominant place in our public media for some time. Most recently, chemical weapon rumors --claiming both sides are using them-- have surfaced, and in some cases confirmed.As this is happening, countries like Russia have finally given up , they too now want to preserve humane discipline within the confines of their cold war ally. As such, the Imperial Russian fleet has amassed in preparation for a conflict around Syria, and in case of a conflict, they are ready to react accordingly.Regardless, Britain, France and the United States have already had their triggers on this part of the world for some time. It seems eminent that if a conflict is to arise, the Syrian regime and all the rebels might be obliterated in just a few hours -- and thus a new puppet regime will be set up--.It is uncertain as of now , but...
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Current tv dies

One of the best channels for the past couple of year ,current tv, has been sold to a quitar based arab news agency. The channel was initially an investment made by al gore in 2005 , which seemed profitable at the time. Unfortunately, few people knew about the channel -- if they did it wouldn't have been sold.Current featured wonderful shows , usually portraying "otherworldly matters" -- giving tremendous insight into foreign affairs. Shows like Vanguard, Dangerous Journeys and daily documentaries really made the channel worth watching.We learned things such as narcotic problems, economic destruction through foreign "corporate imperialism" and generally gained a better perspective of our modern ,and sometimes superficially perfect, world.The change took place on august 20th , but we don't watch too much television anyways, so we noticed today(27th). The new channel was bought by Al Jazeera for 500 million dollars (US) , an arab news agency that...
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Things that are completely illegal at a post office and can land you in federal prison

why the f#$@ did you bring this sh#$ to the post officeOf all the things , your local post office probably seems like a very nice and peaceful place. You would be dead wrong. In fact, all post offices (not fed ex) are government owned property. This means that government laws would always be effective, regardless of local/state/regional regulations.As an example, lets say you have a condition that allows you to smoke medical marijuana. Sure, you can smoke it at your place, the local bar, even inside the local police station! -pretty cool right brah?- Well, then imagine having to have a letter certified at your local post office. And all of a sudden you take out your bong and have a puff. And bam! You go to federal prison for a VERY long time. And do you know why?The reason for this is that post offices are all owned by...
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Oprah Winfrey still crying over a bag

Oprah Winfrey, god knows why shes so famous, has recently began to cry about how a shop in Zürich, Switzerland refused to allow her to see a bag. Thinking that she is god and all with all her wealth, she began calling it racism and damning Switzerland , calling them all "racists".Winfrey claims that someone at the shop told her she couldn't see the bag (hold it) because it was too expensive. She responded by doing what the typical agitated person would do, she stormed out , called the papers and wanted the president of the country to apologize to her (wtf?).Now, the shopkeeper simply stated that the bag was too expensive to take out of it's protective case, but Winfrey is blowing things out of proportion. It doesn't matter what color you are, unless you will buy something that costs millions of dollars, you probably wont get to hold it,...
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Beijing tycoon forced to tear down private mountain resort building

A Chinaman and longtime (ancestral) doctor is being forced today to destroy his personal building/villa mountain thing. (see the picture to believe it). You see, this rich tycoon, and former politician , thought it would be a great idea to add some rocks, trees and whatever he well pleased on top of his standard apartment building.Now, we all know that even in China such things are illegal. However, people often failed to report the issue to local authorities, mainly because they lived in this building and were paying rent. A few people, however, complained about it --especially the loud parties-- to local authorities.Authorities seized the chance to show the public (backed by the media) that china was not corrupt, and proper action would be taken,Chinese authorities gave the building's owner 15 days to level the building , or present evidence of a building permit. If these demands are not met, the...
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Transgender Jamaican killed

Sixteen year old "Dwayne Jones" was murdered today in Jamaica. Eye witness reports claim that Jones, a 16 ear old transgender man turned woman was violently stabbed, shot and run over by twelve cars after attending a "strait party" as his female alter ego.Accordingly, the boy dropped out at age 14 because his peers couldn't stand his devious behavior. On occasion , his own father tossed him out of the house (permanently) and helped fellow neighborhood boys beat Dwayne with sticks.Jones lived with four other transgender males, all of whom lamented at his loss. One claimed that seeing the body was "shocking and sickening". In a country like Jamaica, the tolerance for this type of behavior is below zero , especially when it's proudly displayed in public.Nevertheless, this is a tragedy that could have been avoided had the boy kept his fantasies to himself. Whoever killed him clearly took the wrong...
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Fight over McDonalds leads to punctured butthole

Simmons Mugshot -- punctured butthole over cheezburgerEarly today , one man received a punctured butthole, and one woman went to prison. You see, these  two people Rebbecca Simmons, 45 and Mohammad Abukhder, 35 were at a drive-through at a local McDonalds.Naturally , Simmons (needing that g******* burger) decided to cut in line at the drive-through. When Mohammad Abukhder didn't allow this to happen , Simmons got out of her car and scratched Abukhder's car. Mohammad Abukhder responded by taking her key and calling the police.Just shortly later, Simmons took out a knife, Mohammad got out of his car, bent over, brandished his a$$hole and next thing you know, he had a knife deeply inserted inside of his rectum. Although he thoroughly enjoyed this sex act (what the f%^*?) , police ended this little joy party, sending Mohammad to the hospital for anal surgery and Simmons to jail for assault with a deadly weapon.This is...
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Man kills wife and posts pictures of body on facebook

medena kills his wifeIn a shocking turn of events, a Miami man killed his wife, and posted pictures of the body on facebook. Derek Medina wrote the following facebook status:Im going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news" my wife was punching me and I am not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did I hope u understand me "Medina claimed that his wife was abusing him , threatening to kill him , and lunging at him with a knife. He was quoted to have said it was self defense and that the abuse he suffered was too much to bear Madina will probably get the death sentence.
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Man beats wife with frozen beef

A Pennsylvanian man accordingly beat his wife with a frozen package of ground beef. Police indicate that William Neugebauer, 51 was having a dispute with his wife. One thing led to another, and William grabbed a package of frozen beef and began pounding his wife with his meat.Officials arrived just moments later to find William Neugebauer's wife swollen. William Neugebauer was tracked down , found drunk and naked and beaten. He was then placed under arrest and was set on 150,000$ bail. William Neugebauer is charged with assault, public drunkenness, public nudity and disorderly conduct. woman beaten with ground beef
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Football player fired and arrested

A West Virginia Mountaineer player has been arrested following an idiotic attempt to rob a house. So, this guy takes three of his buddies, they put on ski masks,wore their football outfits (oh so smart) , and grabbed a resident by the throat, beating him with a gun.The resident was threatened that "you will be shot if you don't do as you're told". So the player , Korey Harris stole an ipod and a few hundred dollars in cash. Just a few hours later, police arrived at his home , found the money and ipod , and sent Korey Harris to jail on 75,000$ bond.Korey Harris' other accomplices were also caught, and are facing similar charges and bonds. Due to armed robbery in their football outfits, all three boys were fired from the college football team. It's almost too ironic because of the Aaron Hernandez story. Korey Harris Robber
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New monarch of England born!

Royal Couple has baby boyToday is a very momentous day, the son of Prince William and his Wife, Kate Middleton was born! The boy weighed eight pounds and six ounces. A pamphlet confirming the gender, weight, height and other details (other than the name) has been posted outside of Buckingham Palace.This is a momentous day for all of us , even if we are not the type of outlet that's into famous people, royals are a different story. We wish the child a healthy , long and powerful life. May god and Mother England be good to the new prince.We will try to tell you what the name of the prince will be as soon as it is released.
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Is throwing trash in volcanoes a viable solution to a massive problem?

VOLCANO POWER!Trash has always been an issue within our developing world. Trash tends to accumulate rather fast, faster than we can manage to destroy it (it would appear). So, a few days ago a friend of mine brought up the idea of how anything that hits molten volcanic magma is instantly vaporized (chemically altered in sulfur combustion) , including plastics. Anything that isn't completely destroyed chemically would end up becoming rock after it re-hardened (anything in a dump will likely at least melt).Scientifically, yes, this would be a wonderful and possibly the only solution to our problem (other than sending it all into space). Chemically, even radioactive supplies could possibly become harmless sulfurous compounds in seconds.Regardless of how brilliant the idea sounds, it is probably impractical to melt our garbage in anything other than the magma pool in the actual volcano since moten magma is basically as dense as rocks (our...
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Zimmerman emerges a hero

George ZimmermanYou would think that following the great riots post the acquittal of George Zimmerman under the "stand your ground law" in the Tryvon Martin case would leave Zimmerman in a relatively bad position. Just that occurred for the past few days, causing Zimmerman to go into hiding for the fear of his own life.Well, today this "public enemy" emerged, and ironically it was Zimmerman that pulled a man from a overturned truck (in serious danger of fatal injury). Yes, yes, after days of fearing for his own life, the very man we expected to get severe negative reps has emerged as a hero. Now what would have happened to the truck driver if Zimmerman got jail time?Well, this is certainly something nobody saw coming. Rumors state he saved three other people from the wreckage as well.Here is something absolutely ridiculous though , WND is stating the family was white, in an...
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