News

This section is dedicated to news as well as user-created blogs.

The Ebola Outbreak Of 2014

The Ebola Outbreak Of 2014
An Ebola outbreak has descended upon humanity since early last month. The appalling rate of this viral epidemic has afflicted over 1,000 people. As of today, an estimated 3 people have died and many others are noted to be on the “verge of death”. A Minnesota man of Liberian origin was the first known victim of the Ebola outbreak. Sawyer was allegedly on a business trip to Nigeria when he was struck by the virus. Sawyer was isolated for over 24 hours by Nigerian nurses before they realized that he was, indeed, positive for the rare Ebola virus. Sawyer would later die in the hospital due to the Ebola affliction. In more recent days, the nurse that had been tasked to treat sawyer became the third victim of the Ebola outbreak. Regardless of the fact that she was diagnosed early, medical treatment failed her and she died quickly. The second documented...
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California Mudslide Leaves Many Stranded

California Mudslide Leaves Many Stranded
A recent mudslide on Mount Baldy,California spurred by intense thunderstorms, has left one man dead and over 2,500 other stranded. The devastation was allegedly caused by excessive rainfall which contributed to the collapse of ledges on high mountains and subsequently a large flow of wet mud. The event took place over a 16 hour period and an unknown number of people lay dead in its ruin. Only one body was found and positively identified as 48-year old Joo Hwan Lee. His body was found in a flooded creek inside of a vehicle. The devastation, unfortunately, took place in an area frequented by many people. A recent report stated that 5 people and one dog were air-lifted out of the mud and sent to a local hospital to treat their injuries. We will have more on this subject as we receive more information.
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The New Iraq

The New Iraq
Following the withdrawal of all U.N. personnel from Iraq, there have been terrible consequences. In an almost reminiscent occurrence to what took place In Vietnam, it can be clearly observed that the enemy that the United States came to fight was never defeated. In fact, much like Vietnam, they simply decided to lay below the radar until all foreign troops moved out. Starting early this month and unceasingly continuing, the country has become the forefront of yet another bloody and calculated turmoil. Those “Islamic extremists” the U.N. fought so hard to detain have finally let themselves flow like water from a destroyed dam. Worse yet, the force of these organized attackers is overwhelming local authorities in the area which were set up to keep order. In cities like Mosul, these extremists have taken over almost completely. Typically, these takeovers are followed by massacres and the destruction of landmarks. Most famously, these...
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Israel continues to push into Gaza

Israel continues to push into Gaza
A swift call to end all engagements has been drawn up and slammed at Israel by the United Nations. This comes following a series of bombardments and ground invasions by Israel into Gaza. Allegedly, many of these attacks are targeting civilians rather than Hamas (some radical Islamic group) members. Israeli mediums to the U.N. have claimed that these efforts are already showing results including the destruction of Hamas missile sites. Israeli politicians are also claiming that four soldiers have been killed since the invasion began two days ago. Israeli politicians and leaders made promises earlier today to avenge the deaths of their comrades. But at what price? The U.N. would generally not interfere in a crisis unless there was already a significant incline towards a potential loss. In other words something has already happened to get the U.N’s attention. Regardless of the U.N.’s pleas for a more diplomatic mediation, Israel is...
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Israel launches attack into Palestine

Israel launches attack into Palestine
In an act not seen since the last Iraq war, Israel has quite literally marched armored columns into Palestine. This action was the successor to a series of bombardments along prominent targets in the Palestine area. According to Peter Lerner, Lieutenant Colonel, the strategic bombardments took place to thwart Hamas activity and redundant rocket raids on the Israeli border. The targets noted by the defense ministry of Palestine were evacuated prior to the bombardment. As a direct result, only seven people were injured during the entire operation and zero casualties were reported. The operation nicknamed “Operation Edge” was basically a showing of teeth to any Hamas member or radical Palestinian. It basically told them that if they attack or plot to attack Israel, they will be counter-attacked. This comes only shortly after several severe attacks noted in the region by the defense ministry of Israel. No comments were directly made by...
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Man killed by fireworks

Man killed by fireworks
A 44 year old man was killed late yesterday after taking a full-blown firework blast to the chest. Eyewitnesses report that the man, 44 year old Mahir Aburouman was setting up some fireworks for a 4th of July celebration. A friend that was nearby noted that this was routine and that Aburouman had done this many times in the past. However, this time the firework struck right into Abourman shortly after the fuse blew. Abourman’s friend noted that following the blast he went up to his friend and put a pillow under his head. Abourman’s friend (55 year old Ron Mohlman) stated that he kept telling Abourman to keep his eyes open. However, despite Mohlman’s valiant efforts to keep his friend alive, Abourman lost consciousness and stopped breathing. Before authorities could arrive, Abourman’s pulse was gone. Abourman’s family and friends describe him as an energetic family man that cared deeply for...
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Heinous attack by crazed gunman leaves six dead

Gunman's Vehicle 22 year old self-proclaimed “alpha male” Eliot Rodger (son of the director of the Hunger Games) has committed a disturbing and disgraceful act today.  Rodger , after posting a disturbing YouTube video vowing to take pleasure in the slaughter of those that shunned him , has killed six people and injured up to six more.Rodger allegedly stabbed three men at his home – somehow managing to kill them all. Then, Rodger went to the University Of California and gunned down two women.Rodger finished his rampage by shooting another male and ramming his black BMW into a car, injuring a family of 4 people.  Upon retrieval by police, the body of Rodger was noted to have a bullet hole which obviously meant that he shot himself in his car. Rodger’s actions were claimed to be on a basis of inferiority. Rodger stated that he would slaughter those he felt were...
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Man Steals $200,000 To Feed Cats

A Japanese man was indicted today on an incident that took place back in December of 2013. Allegedly, this man stole over $200,000 worth of cash and jewels. What is even more bizarre is that this individual did not spend a penny of the money on himself. Instead, sources tell us that this man spent all the stolen money on fresh fish and chicken for his 23 cats. However, he was also noted to have been feeding around 100 more strayed that lived in his neighborhood with luxurious catfoods (all organic of course). Although the court had no ready conviction, we can all rest assured this man is the “Robin Hood" of cats. We applaud his devotion to cats and hope that the Japanese government can grant him amnesty.   Kittehs
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Volcanic eruption in Indonesia kills 15

Mount Sinabung volcano The recent Volcanic eruption that took place this Saturday has already taken the lives of 15 people (confirmed) and many others still remain missing. Officials have stated that "the ash cloud's heat would be nearly impossible to survive". Rescuers wielding chainsaws and breathing barriers were only able to recover a "ringing cell phone" from an apparent victim that dropped their bag while running away from the ash cloud. Officials are claiming some 170 people inhabited the Mount Sinabung volcano area prior to the eruption. However, of those that lived there, only about one half have been accounted for. Officials are fearing that the death toll might be very high at this point. We will have more updates on the situation as more bodies are unearthed.
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Groundhog prediction 2014

Looks like a few more months of winter are on their way! The famous groundhog saw his shadow, and ran back to his burrow! If you thought that this was more than enough snow to handle, you better get your shovels ready for more! groundhog sees his shadow 2014
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Man arrested naked in driveway with just a swimcap on

mark mertz A 44 year old schoolteacher living in Walpole, MA was arrested for allegedly going outside of his house in nothing but a swim-cap and a pair of swim goggles. Apparently, he really wanted to be "one with nature" and there was no better way but t do it when it was 11 degrees Fahrenheit outside! On top of that, he was caught by a another guy (who apparently was not gay). This "distressed guy" decided to be a total wuss and called the cops. Soon, the cops had this fat bearded guy in chains. As of now , Marc Mertz, is being terminated from his position as a teacher. (jeez idiot couldn't you just go to the back-yard?) His many classmates only had good things to say about Mr. Mertz, as did their parents. However , a criminal investigation showed that he was a "repeat offender" -- uh oh.
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Barrack Obama addresses the public on his plans against Syria

bombing begins Obama has stated the following today " Good evening -- I just addressed the nation about the use of chemical weapons in Syria. Over the past two years, what began as a series of peaceful protests against the repressive regime of Bashar al-Assad has turned into a brutal civil war in Syria. Over 100,000 people have been killed. In that time, we have worked with friends and allies to provide humanitarian support for the Syrian people, to help the moderate opposition within Syria, and to shape a political settlement. But we have resisted calls for military action because we cannot resolve someone else's civil war through force. The situation profoundly changed in the early hours of August 21, when more than 1,000 Syrians -- including hundreds of children -- were killed by chemical weapons launched by the Assad government. What happened to those people -- to those children --...
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People of America begin to protest Syrian approach

demonstrators against war in Syria Following congress' vow to "maintain order" in the world away , a declaration of non-restricted air bombardment  was approved. Regardless of what happened, congress never really took the public opinion into account. Much like the days of the Spanish American war, the Korean war and the war in Vietnam , the people rather than the enemy seem to be a larger "cork" to the fountain of maintaining the war effort. Just today , a few hundred gathered outside of the White house , calling for a true test of democracy (implying all of America wants no more war, and our government is not acting in our interest). The results were really quite baffling. The crowd simply marched , sang and chanted against a " war built on a lie ". Completely unopposed by police, the crowd clearly made their point heard (and that's why they get...
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Airstrikes on Syria authorized by the Senate

Accordingly toxic gas has been used in Syria , prompting congress to declare airstrikes Today is a very painful day for the United States. You see, our congress has elected to begin airstrikes on Syria. Not that this in any way is outrage at the fact that we are attacking in support of anarchist rubble , but we like to view this more as another reason why gas prices and taxes will rise. We have experience with this bullshit in the past, I mean after going after Iraq's "huge army" and obliterating it to pieces, our gas hit an all-time high, our currency value plummeted (and is continuing) , and the American people cant have as much fun anymore because we don't have as much money to spend on entertainment (no beer money brah). For the love of god, if our government wants to fight another war , even if it...
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Naked man tased , beaten and arrested after sticking buttocks out of windshield

A truly horrific incident took place last weekend. A man, high on hallucinogens saw some cops in front of his car. So, the man decided to stick his buttocks through the front windshield. In doing so, he impaled his anus with shards of glass. Police were alerted and began to chase him. The naked man countered their efforts by beginning to climb up local fire escape ladders. Police eventually got him down and began beating him with batons. The man continued to squirm and fondle his penis, so a taser was used to subdue the man , allowing police time to arrest him. This man will now be charged with indecent exposure, resisting arrest and disturbing the peace. This guy sounds like a real hero. Naked man tased
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Naked burglar found covered in peanut butter and chocolate

Workers were rather shocked to find a 22 year old naked man on the ground of a local supermarket yesterday morning. According to police reports, 22 year old Andrew Toothman was found lying in peanut butter and chocolate , naked in a local IGA market. Toothman not only left a mess, but he also wrote " I'm sorry" in nyquil all over the floor. Naked, drunk and covered in sweets. Toothman was charged with burglary , various other misdemeanors, and of course public indecency! This is a case of severe failiure. naked man covered in peanut butter and chocolate arrested
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Is the civilized world going to stand against Syria?

Incidents involving Syria have had a very predominant place in our public media for some time. Most recently, chemical weapon rumors --claiming both sides are using them-- have surfaced, and in some cases confirmed. As this is happening, countries like Russia have finally given up , they too now want to preserve humane discipline within the confines of their cold war ally. As such, the Imperial Russian fleet has amassed in preparation for a conflict around Syria, and in case of a conflict, they are ready to react accordingly. Regardless, Britain, France and the United States have already had their triggers on this part of the world for some time. It seems eminent that if a conflict is to arise, the Syrian regime and all the rebels might be obliterated in just a few hours -- and thus a new puppet regime will be set up--. It is uncertain as of...
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Transgender Jamaican killed

Sixteen year old "Dwayne Jones" was murdered today in Jamaica. Eye witness reports claim that Jones, a 16 ear old transgender man turned woman was violently stabbed, shot and run over by twelve cars after attending a "strait party" as his female alter ego. Accordingly, the boy dropped out at age 14 because his peers couldn't stand his devious behavior. On occasion , his own father tossed him out of the house (permanently) and helped fellow neighborhood boys beat Dwayne with sticks. Jones lived with four other transgender males, all of whom lamented at his loss. One claimed that seeing the body was "shocking and sickening". In a country like Jamaica, the tolerance for this type of behavior is below zero , especially when it's proudly displayed in public. Nevertheless, this is a tragedy that could have been avoided had the boy kept his fantasies to himself. Whoever killed him clearly...
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Man kills wife and posts pictures of body on facebook

medena kills his wife In a shocking turn of events, a Miami man killed his wife, and posted pictures of the body on facebook. Derek Medina wrote the following facebook status: Im going to prison or death sentence for killing my wife love you guys miss you guys takecare Facebook people you will see me in the news" my wife was punching me and I am not going to stand anymore with the abuse so I did what I did I hope u understand me " Medina claimed that his wife was abusing him , threatening to kill him , and lunging at him with a knife. He was quoted to have said it was self defense and that the abuse he suffered was too much to bear Madina will probably get the death sentence.
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Football player fired and arrested

A West Virginia Mountaineer player has been arrested following an idiotic attempt to rob a house. So, this guy takes three of his buddies, they put on ski masks,wore their football outfits (oh so smart) , and grabbed a resident by the throat, beating him with a gun. The resident was threatened that "you will be shot if you don't do as you're told". So the player , Korey Harris stole an ipod  and a few hundred dollars in cash. Just a few hours later, police arrived at his home , found the money and ipod , and sent Korey Harris to jail on 75,000$ bond. Korey Harris' other accomplices were also caught, and are facing similar charges and bonds. Due to armed robbery in their football outfits, all three boys were fired from the college football team. It's almost too ironic because of the Aaron Hernandez story . Korey Harris Robber
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