News

This section is dedicated to news as well as user-created blogs.

The gathering tempest in North Korea

With the world finally moving towards peace in the middle east, we cannot help but focus on something else. As the hierarchy of the Islamic extremists have been all but crushed, they no longer seem to be the center of our concern. But there is a new fear, one that has plagued the west for a long time, the fear of communist rogue republic North Korea. We personally have nothing against them, in fact , we would urge them to be more open about everything. Perhaps their long time friend Russia might be able to prevent what media is making look like "a gathering tempest". We already spoke about the Korean satellite launch  scheduled to be launched tomorrow, we believe. We don't fear it, but apparently , the rest of the world does. We believe that North Korea may be capable of peaceful missions to outer space. The reason why the...
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(8948) 1997 CW27

(8948) 1997 CW27 is a planet very far from our own. It was discovered by Chinese scientists in 2010. It is rumored that due to it's small size, it is hardly a planet, much like pluto. (8948) 1997 CW27 should be noted, it appears alien life forms clearly live on this planet. Use caution when approaching this planet, aggression levels seem rather high. Research shows evidence of intentional interference with radio waves, perhaps in a ploy to remain invisible to fellow intelligent life, although we don't seem to be fooled.     (8948) 1997 CW27 concept (c) NASA      
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Alaskan serial killer commits suicide

Alaskan serial killer, Israel Keyes , found guilty of murdering a couple this weekend is confirmed dead, apparently the sap hung himself in his prison cell. Many questions do remain unanswered, such as how he admitted to five more murders before killing himself. There is little doubt in our mind that Isreal could have killed more people, he brutally murdered a couple, it makes us rather sad to see such things happen in our country, but as with anything, there will always be those few" oddities" in society that are simply not quite human in the head. Isreal Keyes Serial Killer
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North Korea will launch a scientific satellite this month

Following the failure of their first scientific satellite/rocket, North Korean scientists have done their research and are planning on launching another rocket to space. They will be bringing a universal camera to photograph the planet, much like google maps. Now as with everything that has to do with North Korea, people think this is a ballistic missile test, and the scientific part is a ruse. We want to think the best, so we will just leave it at a satellite. Now, if you would like to know how we could help North Korea entirely, it is quite simple: we should start talking with them. Secrecy has caused more wars, death and destruction than anything else in the world. Secrecy is bad, people are quite eager to think the worst, usually with good reason. Unfortunately, when you assume the worst, sometimes you assume wrong, and tragedy can follow. North Korean Rocket  ...
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7 Egyptians sentenced to death over anti islam film

Following the collapse of a regime that separated religion and state, Egypt has now become plagued by radicals of Islam. Just as an average example, do you remember the movie " innocence of muslims " yes, that stupid sh** that caused the attacks on benghaz i. Well, we have word that seven men currently living in Egypt were sentenced to death over the film It is hard to understand how radical a zealot government must be to put people to death over religious purposes, sounds kind of like the Salem witch trials, no? Furthermore , the men are Christians, we don't know if that has anything to do with it (hint) as the creator of the film was admittedly a Jewish-American. Putting religion aside, this is quite wrong. And we predict, in time, Egypt may become another Iran.     Area Of Execution
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Twinkies Discontinued

Hostess, a company that has lasted for almost a century now. But alas, much like Maybach ,  all good things must come to an end. This does not come as a surprise, Hostess has been facing rioting/striking union workers for months now. apparently, firing 18,000 of them was not the smartest move on the company that keeps America fat. Rather than submit to the will pf commoners, Hostess has declared discontinuation of the brand, and is on it's merry way to shut down production lines , factories, and a piece of American culture and history. We will mourn the loss of the famous spongecake. A general update is suggesting that quite possibly, Hostess may be saved by various businessmen. We have little to no word on the validity of this claim, it all seems like rumor at the moment. Deep fried twinkies ( we too want to puke)    
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Idiot in prison attempting to shoot people at twilight premier

You would think that when an idiot like James Holmes killed people at a movie premier, including women and children, nobody would possibly be stupid enough to try to copy him. But as with everything else, you can't simply assume things, it is natural for idiots to copy each other, and thus  twenty year old Blaec Lammers, the twilight killer was born. Lets get this strait, this guy bought tickets for twilight, and an ar15 assault rifle with 400 rounds of live ammunition within a one hour period. Hmmm , seems really intelligent, so smart that his own mother foiled his plot, and called the police. Now he is going to have some fun rotting behind bars, nice work, really, smartass. Maybe one day you might meet general butt naked . Blaec Lammers posing naked (c) facebook inc  
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Florida boy impersonates doctor, gets jail time

Matthew Scheidt, 18, accordingly applied for a receptionist job at a local clinic, but whoever did the paperwork screwed up bad and put him in as an assistant physician. Mathew, being a boy of 17 at the time, naturally took the higher paying job, and thus he practiced without a medical license for a good year until being caught. Now , the police have sentenced him to one year of jail time for impersonation, and  practicing medicine without a license. What would you do? Is it his fault , or is this just a case of a child being a child. We could personally care less, his is a funny blunder though :) Matthew Scheidt -cnn  
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Woman found cut in half

Accordingly, in the drug infested Mexican city of Juarez , Mexico, police found a police woman, torn apart, hands cut off, torso chopped in half. Accordingly, she had been simply "walking in the area" when drug dealers took her in a van and fled, the following morning, this is all police found. Woman cut to bits (graphic)
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Former director of the CIA resigns amid scandal

David Petraeus, war hero, leader of the CIA, and all American bad-ass has decided to resign amid talks of a scandal involving one of his cohorts. Unfortunately, it was due to Patraeus that the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq have turned from all out domination to changing power over to local leaders. As such, we are not sure what might happen since he already resigned. Patraeus was a firm believer in giving power to the local militaries with the intent to crush Taliban and other terrorist groups. Relying heavily on sending weapons and vehicles to local allied forces would pull our men out as fast as possible. Transferring power to the locals is the last logical thing we can do anyways (since we seem to have given them a bit of order). Without Patraeus, we are not too sure what might happen. We hope his replacement will follow in his footsteps,...
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Seven seals punished for revealing secrets

Seven navy seals, having participated in the raid that killed Osama, have spilled the secrecy of the operation to videogame making company that has been developing the "Medal of Honor" series for years. Perhaps they face a court martial for being on the side of pride in the face of idolship? We think this is a bit absurd, although these secrets were useful, Osama is gone, the USA is safe, let the boys be cheered on for their accomplishments. Medal of honor team 6  
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Mitch Lucker dead

Mitch Lucker (leader of suicide silence) , perhaps not too popular with most Americans, but still a lucky man, in a band, unfortunately died today from injuries suffered during an extreme motorcycling accident. We lament the loss of someone that had just started out, although we have never heard his music, we can only assume that the 360k people that have decided to attend his candlelight vigil means he was quite famous ( we admit, even 100 people would be impressive). But hopefully, he lives on, rocking hard in heaven. RIP Mitch Lucker Thats not him    
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New York City marathon canceled

Yes, it is a sad day today in New York, as the organizers of the New York marathon, and mayor Blomberg have confirmed that this will be a year without a marathon. Most agree that rather than spend funds, food and water on a huge event like that, the money should be rationed to help victims of Hurricane Sandy  , which much like Hurricane Isaac , did only property damage, and cut out power to certain parts of New England for extended periods of time. But indeed, people that have been training like crazy this year will be bitterly disappointed. Men from all over the word lamented in rage today upon this decision, it is a sad day in running history. Awwwww  
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Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane sandy, another so called "doomsday hurricane" has begun to hit the eastern coast of the United States early last night. But in face of what has already happens, we can simply compare the wrath of this natural disaster to nibbles committed by a toothless kitten. Nothing gives us the slightest hint that this fruit of a storm is anything serious. We look to mankind in pity when we see that places like Massachusetts and Rhode Island have suspended their public transit systems until the storm calms. We may expect a few lawn chairs to fall down, maybe even a branch, but as far as flooding, or anything of that nature, you can simply forget it. Nothing major will happen, perhaps gas prices will rise? We will try to keep you updated if anything gets more exciting. But for now , it just seems sandy came in to ruin every little...
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Murderer found in Colorado

Austin Reed Sigg, a 17 year old student living in Colorado has confessed to killing the missing 10 year old girl , ripping her apart to pieces, and burying her in some building foundation near a corn field. The man has been marked as "fascinated with the idea of death"  , furthermore his mugshot and DNA evidence leave no questions unanswered, the killer has been found, and the girl found dismembered a month ago is confirmed dead. Austin Reed Sigg
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Scientists in Italy sentenced to prison terms for failure to predict earthquake

A few scientists in the field of plate tectonics, and utterly the prediction of tectonic movement (earthquake scientists) are facing six year jail sentences starting today. The reason for these prison sentences is gross negligence, the failure to predict the L'Aquila earthquake in 2009 that killed over 300 innocent people. The seven men will receive six years each, no pardons will be made since the court found them guilty today. In a way, they deserve it for not doing their jobs properly, but perhaps  we must look to how flawed science is, we cannot say for sure they even knew it was coming. In the face of mother nature killing those people, it is immoral to place seven men in prison for manslaughter. All these men deserve is honorable discharges, for incompetency. L'Aquila Earthquake Zone -marked in yellow and red-      
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Lance Armstrong loses everything

Much like Nick Delpopolo back during the Summer Olympics , Lance Armstrong, a cancer surviving cycling legend, was caught smoking pot. The consequences?  Much like Delpopolo , he was banned for the year. Many claim marijuana makes you stronger, or increases your ability to perform (which is false). Lance armstrong smoking a bong   Lance Armstrong was stripped of all his titles, and banned from the Tour De France for the res of his , now miserable life. We can't blame the officials, as this is fair in accordance with policy. Marijuana might be harmless, but it is still a drug, therefore it should never be used prior to a sporting event (or work) , for it may hinder or increase a person's ability and compitancy to perform tasks. Unfortunately, this is the last time we will speak of Armstrong, for we now fear he will e ostracized from society as...
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George McGovern Dies

A runner up for president in 1972, and a senator in South Dakota for over two decades , George McGovern has died today at the age of 90. He was best known for openly opposing the Vietnam war, a practical death sentence for a senator at the time. George McGovern was once a bomber pilot, during world war II. He served multiple campaigns in Europe( winning a flying cross ) and the pacific before coming home in 1945, from then on , he skyrocketed into the political theater, captivating the hearts of thousands. Unfortunately for George McGovern, when he ran for president in 1972, he only won the state of Massachusetts.  But this did not persuade him to leave politics, he stood in office for another decade until he finally decided to settle down. He died of natural causes today, 90 is not too bad of an age. He will be...
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Flavor Flav gets out of prison

Flavor Flav, a famous entertainer in the rap industry was released today after beating his wife with a dough roller. His charges of domestic battery were temporary, and his hearing will be held tomorrow to determine how long he will be on parole. Flavor Flav - I'm back b#$%^&s-   Flavor Flav accordingly also chased and punched some random child that same day.  
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Florida man shoots four at a hair salon and commits suicide

A famous hair salon in central Florida mourns today, as police are still puzzled why an enraged man ran in with an automatic weapon and killed three people. A fourth, critically injured , is still alive. Reports indicate the man did indeed also commit suicide directly outside of the building. Rumors state that at least one of the victims was a relative of his. We will keep you updated as the story becomes less vague. Hair Salon Shooting Florida  
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