The fat man's guide to skinny dining
Alright fatboy , you came over here for advice right? Well, drop that jelly donut god fvcking damnit! It's time to turn those extra chins into a six pack (did I just really c0cksucking say that?)
Ok son , first of all dieting is not for men , so we're not going to tell you to cut down on those god damn carbs. No, rather , you're going to chow down on similar shit and get lean at the same time.
Do you motherfvcking love bread? Well too fvcking bad! White bread is all c0cksucking sugar , cocklet with a brown crust motherfvck! And all that white goodness goes to your thighs! Yeah, you better ditch it while you still have legs!
Switch out that white bread for a whole wheat bread. The difference is really in the sugar levels , and sugar is higher in energy than that fvcking cellulose in the whole grain. But god damnit, this $hit tastes the same no matter what type you take, you wont even m0therfvcking notice!(maybe it is the same lol)
You like soda, fatboy? Well, guess what , you can still drink soda! You just have to go diet. We know , its fvcking hard , but its either that or you will be confined to bed, drinking lettuce from a feeding tube for the rest of your life!!! So how about it? Go diet and shed pounds without getting off the couch!
Do you like sucking mayonase out of a jar? Well fvck the mayonnaise and get lite mayonnaise instead! Its the same s$it with the half the c0cksucking calories! God damnit! Its like running on a treadmill for an hour!
Do you like chips m0therfucker? Well, you don't have to quit on chips altogether! But instead of eating potato chips, try baked doritos! What the fvck is the difference? They both taste so artificially delicious ! But the baked doritos are one third the m0therfvcking calories godamnit!!!!!
What else huh m0therfvcker? Well, when going to McDonalds, switch the meat for a fish. Fvck , it all tastes the same, doesn't it? So why not get one fourth the fat with the same concentration of proteins ! It all tastes the same god damnit! You would never even notice!
What else huh? More advice? Ok, ok, did you know that switching to light beer can reduce your waist size by up to 5 inches every year (seriously). Yeah its not as manly, but fvck man you get to drink all the beer you want -- and get skinnier while doing it!
And the final gem for getting smaller while eating the same crap you eat now is a secret trick at restaurants. Whenever you order any type of meat , just ask for "extra lean". Its the same $hit, just less lard is added (or in most case it is physically removed).
So fvck man , also try to switch one serving of meat for a packet of salted sunflower seeds (this sh1t really fills you up fast, while preserving the same protein levels and satisfaction as a steak!!!).
So yeah, if you don't have the guts to join a gym , or get a dog , just replace some foods with $hit that tastes the same , and watch the results! Bump us a like on facebook if this was helpful! :)
-- This is not meant to offend by the way , if you're not worried about health problems, and you like the way you are, disregard all of this--