By IronCrossCthulhu on Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Category: History

General Butt Naked

Christened "Joshua Milton Blahyi " after his conversion to Christianity, the feared General Butt Naked was once a powerful leader--leading his armies of child soldiers through intimidation.

Joshua Milton Blahyi


General Butt-Naked started out as a boy born in a small  Krahn village in northern Liberia.

A bit of background in Liberia: Liberia was probably the first country to be fully run by a black majority, it was established by the USA in the mid 1800s as a colony to return illegally smuggled slaves, and in general, move the blacks back to their motherland. It has been in a constant civil war since then, with people like president Samuel Doe being violently executed by opposing rebels.

General Butt-Naked had a vision as a small child, in this vision he saw his pagan god (village totem)  Nyanbe-a-weh , he was then instructed to kill and eat human hearts, and drink human blood [by the gods], doing so would make him invincible.

So, General Butt-Naked ,starting at age eleven, would go and actively search out people to sacrifice. Usually he would prowl a crowded beach, take a child under the water, and snap his neck. He was also fond of simply slaughtering them on the spot. Afterwards, he would pluck out their hearts and cut them into pieces , so each man would have an equal piece {by each man we mean each man in his murder parties}. It is rumored Butt-Naked would always take the largest piece.

General Butt Naked


Butt-Naked then had his child soldiers drink the blood of the sacrifice, and cook him for the night's dinner.

Butt-Naked would then commence guerrilla attacks with his child soldiers on his enemies, accordingly they all fought completely naked, as instructed by their god. We know this to be 100% false because they would always wear military boots, nothing else. Accordingly, being naked makes bullets miss you (a naked forcefield).

And that is how he became known as General Butt Naked. Not that it in any way should be something you jeer about, this man is responsible for the slaughter and sacrificial eating of tens of thousands of people, or so he claims.

Anyways, at the ripe age of 25, General Butt-Naked found god. Yes, he found the Christian god. And since then he has been a universal symbol of redemption.

Now you may all be wondering "how can that be?". Well, since his meeting with god, the general renounced his false prophet Nyanbe-a-weh , and now fondly refers to him as "Satan".

Joshua Milton Blahyi now serves as the most prominent minister in all of Liberia, converting hundreds of pagan tribesmen a day.

So in a way,  we personally forgive him. After all is our religion not about forgiveness and enlightenment? In fact, some could call him "inspiring".

We in no way think killing the children is proper, or killing any of the people he did. But, again, it's all about redemption (from bad comes good....).

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