First of all, I will note that I am doing this as a freaking favor to all of you. I just wrote this article in notepad, because I was going to write it on phoenixanswers , but I decided due to the importance of this information, this would be a better place to put it.

Also note that mother f#$%^ing windows freaking restarted with a f***ing "system update" right when I was about to post my huge, detail ridden article on this wonderful trick here.  It prompted me to save it, I clicked "save" , but I might have been too late. No I have to spend another couple of bloody minutes trying to f****ing remember what I even wrote.

I wouldnt lift a paw to help you


Lets start at the basics. You have your laptop, one day it's working, the next day you get a glitchy screen, all of a sudden it starts all white, perhaps you think it's physical damage, perhaps that 85$ most techs will charge to inspect the issue is too bloody f***ing much? Perhaps you need to save money, with a trick no tech will ever realize, believe me I would take the laptop completely apart before ever trying this.

Ok, so our first course of action would be to try to find your laptop's service manual. Usually here , you will find some sort of motherf***ing diagram of you laptop. Now , we will try to be a bit more calm with our words, don't worry :)

Ok, if you don't have your service manual, don't freaking worry about it, it's all cool. 99.999999999999999% of all laptops have the same layout. So let us begin.

First course of action (don't take initially): My first course of action, as with laptop screen replacement (in case you want a touch screen) is to simply take your laptop, locate tiny little dots in the frame in the corners, some have two on the bottom, larger ones have four -two on top, two on the bottom-.

a) Remove those gently with a boxcutter or flathead screwdriver. These are not necessary for the functionality  of your laptop, but they are like car bumpers, they make it look cleaner.

b) You will see promptly, after removing the little plastic covers that there are tine screws underneath. Now I dont know who in the name of hell decided to have the bottom ones be practically untouchable, but I have learned that the best way to deal with them is firm, gentle pressure and a flathead screwdriver. The top ones are easy to remove, noob's work really :)

c) Now grab the frame, literally it needs to be gently pulled away from the screen, bit by bit, it will pop out. At first there will be preset adhesive tape, just get past it and peel it off, it's a "trimary defense system" In case the frame completely fails.

d) You will notice that your screen is now embedded into a metallic frame , gently remove the top and bottom screws where the lcd panel is held. After you have removed these (most will have screws embedding the frame to the actual case , which you can loosen or remove for easier access to the frame) take out the LCD panel.

e) Find the sync on the back of the screen. If it is loose, push it in slightly. Unfortunately, the usual symptoms above will probably NOT be solved. This will however solve random white lines, some black lines , and flickering light contrast (very rare).

So why the fvck did we just teach you how to open up the screen if it won't solve your problem? Well because having the screen open will help you in the actual solution of the problem, which , believe it or not, no tech in the world will ever probably diagnose.

Garbage laptop , FU!


Also note: putting the screen back together is just the opposite of taking it off. Use separators for different screws, some laptops have such odd configurations, you know :/

Solution number two (preferable): Okay, so in reality, we should never have to resort to complicating things. Sometimes, taking the screen out can damage it, which is probably not something you want to hear.

Let's begin what should be the only solution I know to this problem.

a) Go through all of your piles of manthongs, a-shirts(wifebeaters) and whatever else you have in your sock drawer, try to locate that man perfume someone gave to you once upon a time. Please for the love of f*** , don't use or even think of using body spray or large nozzled deodorant.

b) Firmly grasp the deodorant(small nozzled),  small nozzled cologne , or you're wife/girlfriend/grandmother/whatever else 's perfume and sit down with your laptop.

c)  Tell your laptop "this is for your own good, son". Now let's use some common sense, like I said above, 99.99- % of laptops have a minute standardization. What this means is that the service manual for your laptop ,which usually comes with it, is really not motherf***ing necessary, whatsoever. Your laptop's left hinge will house the cable to the LCD input and power supply. There is little that contest this, and although rare, it may be the other way around in some otherworldly models, like macbooks (IDFK anything about macbooks).

d) So now that you have your patient firmly sat down, and sedated, gently pick up the bottle of perfume. Try to be precise, there is a small opening between the motherf***ing hinge and a housing base, the housing base is like the ice cream in an ice cream sandwich -yum- :)

e) Now when you find this (remember we told you how much easier it would be if the screen was opened?) , spray your perfume into the hole mercilessly. Try not to get any into the chassis, or on your actual keyboard. Don't overdo it we all love using excessive force to overpower noob laptops, but in this case, we have to restrain our emotions k? :)

f) Clean any excess smelly fluid with  cotton ball (please , don't use tissue or toilet paper) or ear-swab. Now turn your laptop on. Surprised? If there is even a bit of white left, just add more perfume into th area we specified, until all noob brain matter is neutralized. (god da**it, I still can't believe I had to rewrite this entire god**** article).

Now let us assess why this worked? And why no other tech or computer guy will ever suspect this to be the culprit?

Ok , reader, you might not know this, but much like an oil sensor, in your car, a laptop has a pressure sensor in the left hinge (you didn't think that your laptop was smart enough to mentally detect that you were closing the lid did you?) which causes it to go to sleep or hibernate when you close the lid.

Now over time, kind of like how your air filter in your car gets mucky, greasy substances, from your finger oils to cooking oil that vaporizes as you boil sh## and condenses with dust on your laptop. These oily substances block this sensor, kind of like in a spy movie when those super cool pros disable motion detection alarms with eyeblack.

Now what is happening is , your laptop thinks its halfway closed, that's because the grime won't cover the entire sensor. So it will partially disable the screen, as you see, some further movements of the hinge (pushing the screen back) might give you a steady picture. Make sense?

So why use perfume? Well, if you remember in chemistry, I personally don't remember why molecularly , but substances like ethyl alcohol (slightly basic) and gasoline (also just slightly) break lipids apart chemically. This is the same principle as to why your mother tells you to put table salt on grease that you drop on carpet.

So in the end, you are not only moving the lipids (and clump litter, if it can get in) but you are breaking them apart, preventing them from forming again.

tough cat eats pain for breakfast


It has been my two sided pleasure to assist you by giving you some of my knowledge today, comment below or follow this website (see that floating icon to your right?) on facebook to show some respect for lost time :)