Hello friends, even as Hurricane Sandy is pounding half of the country, the other half will still have the pleasure of celebrating Halloween! So, we will give you three little secrets on how to make your jack-o-lanterns look more dazzling than your neighbor's!

 Warning: your neighbor may end up pouring benzine on your lawn in an act of Shakespearean revenge

Trick 1)

After you have carved a facing for your pumpkin, you can buy a 16 inch latex balloon from pretty much any recreation store, and shove a battery operated led light inside. You can then proceed to turn the light on, shove it inside the balloon , and put the flat balloon inside the pumpkin, with the hole area outside of the pumpkin.

Now simply air inflate the balloon until you see and feel it to be firm. Don't allow too much of the balloon to exit through the actual pumpkin or it will look really weird. Now enjoy a glowing orange pumpkin. To make it even cooler, try using a metallic silver or blue balloon !

Im so cool brah

Trick 2)

Use the stem to make sharp teeth. There is nothing more original than getting your pumpkin the finest sharp teeth. Of course, simply carving out a mouth is fruitless and overrated. Yes, you should still carve out the mouth area, but you shouldn't be carving out teeth, ever.

The teeth should be created using the pumpkin stem. How so? Take the stem, hopefully you go yourself a pumpkin with a curved stem to make this much easier on yourself. Now, take a sharp box cutter or wood carving knife, and prepare to cut off your pumpkin's stem. We would suggest sawing it off rather than cutting it to prevent the stem from being utterly destroyed.

Now, take the stem, and cut mediumly thick pieces going along the curve of the stem. You should have these flat , wooden pieces come to something like 20 or so, be lenient with thickness, they shatter easily.

Now take the stem pieces, and refine them to be as sharp as possible. Then, using th dull end of the pieces, attach them to the top and bottom of your pumpkin's mouth hole. You can simply insert them, or use a glue gun. Whatever works for you :)

As an added bonus, get some red oil paint and simply dunk the teeth one by one about half an inch to make your pumpkin look more blood thirsty. As an added bonus, you can add a motion sensor, and use razor blades lined with lead based red pain, and put some candy inside. So when the child takes the candy, the pumpkin will bite his hand off and give him lead poisoning. Just kidding.

 

Come here kids

Trick 3)

Making a pumpkin look like something out of a horror move is actually really freaking hard, and for all of us that would rather do it fast and get it over and done with, and let the wife deal out the candy while we watch football and drink beer, there is a solution!

Take your pumpkin, cut out a tri hole, evenly spaced. Run down to your local home depot, and purchase one pint of red paint. We would prefer oil based, but you can use water based as well.

Now, carve out one opening at the top of the pumpkin, screw removing the seeds. Simply pour the paint in in one full dose, and leave it. After a few hours your pumpkin will look like a massacre victim , and you can have a few cold ones , with minimum effort to please the misses.

If you got water based paint, hose it down to make it look like the pumpkin got it's brains blown out.

If you live in a place where guns are ok, you can skip the hole drilling part entirely (remember if you are making holes, they can be rough to make it even scarier) just make one hole at the top, fill with paint, take your gun, and blow the pumpkin's brains out :) This will look professionally done, and it's a three step process, a blood filled pumpkin is rare to find these days.

Its so easy, this monkey can do it


Follow these easy three tricks, and your pumpkins will make your neighbors very jealous. Just remember we are not responsible for any death threats directed to you by your neighbors due to your pumpkin carving awesomeness.