mark mertzA 44 year old schoolteacher living in Walpole, MA was arrested for allegedly going outside of his house in nothing but a swim-cap and a pair of swim goggles. Apparently, he really wanted to be "one with nature" and there was no better way but t do it when it was 11 degrees Fahrenheit outside!On top of that, he was caught by a another guy (who apparently was not gay). This "distressed guy" decided to be a total wuss and called the cops. Soon, the cops had this fat bearded guy in chains.As of now , Marc Mertz, is being terminated from his position as a teacher. (jeez idiot couldn't you just go to the back-yard?)His many classmates only had good things to say about Mr. Mertz, as did their parents. However , a criminal investigation showed that he was a "repeat offender" -- uh oh.

An Angolan crude oil tanker went missing on January 18th,2014. The owner of the tanker immediately notified authorities about the situation. Authorities were swift to react and began a search operation. Regardless, their efforts were futile and the ship was never found. On January 25, 2014 the captain of the vessel made contact with the owner. Using an on-board two way communication radio, he notified the master that the ship was plundered and abandoned (with him on it). Search and rescue found the man , apparently beaten severely over the head with a blunt object. No oil was left on the tanker and a further investigation was launched. Angolan oil tanker hijacked , man nearly killed

We are very sorry , life has really gotten the best of us. We barely have time to write anymore :( But anyways, we are always looking and plotting to add fresh content! Stick around, we will make a comeback soon! :) me gusta yum yum

Hello everyone. We have noticed that the year has completely gone by , meaning our lovely portal is now over a year old. Although we did not get the chance to actually celebrate our birthday , we are very happy to see the direction we have grown in. We have molded the portal as if it were clay , and there is always room for improvement! We want to wish you all the best in the upcoming holidays (whatever you celebrate). We want each and every one of you to come back to our lovely portal fully satisfied.  Now as far as changes are concerned , we still need significant time to implement holy war (we will release more information on this very soon). Our movie is also causing us trouble , setting us back months , if not years to make everything work (we told you most movies take years...

If you live in New York , you may or may not have heard of "Plum Island". Plum Island is a 3 mile wide stretch of land located less than four miles off the coast of New York. Plum Island might seem very insignificant to anyone that lives in New York. One might ask "what's so special about plum Island?". plum islandPlum Island is only three miles wide (N-S) and one mile thick (E-W). It seems very insignificant , and in fact, you probably never hear about it. What makes plum Island worth writing about?Well, following world war II , plum Island was seized by the United States government. A large structure was constructed on the far west side of plum Island. Now , the oddest part was that nobody but high level security personnel were allowed to visit Plum Island. High level security grants were needed , and ferry boat...

What the fuck is the Six sigma organizational initiative? The six sigma approach is a type of "company/organizational" approach towards cutting costs through quality. The theory was developed in 1981 by Motorola co , and later adopted by General Electric (popularized circa 1994).The main focus of this perspective on "cutting costs" and "increasing profits" is quality. As oppose to standard "maximum output at fair quality and cutting back on quality to save money" , six sigma focuses on cutting costs of damaged batches , or defects through identifying , analyzing and correcting whatever may be causing the initial defects in quality (be it a service or a tangible product).Six sigma focuses on doing one process in such a way that there is no way in fuck someone can screw it up. For example , if items at a dairy farm are bing turned into another conveyor belt by humans , rather than...

Our ever encompassing contest (read all about the contest here) has yielded two winners , both winning 2100 Microsoft points , although one decided to replace the gift with an itunes gift card (which was ok) , so the winners were notified by inbox , and the prizes were given accordingly. We approached 2000 facebook likes for some time , but for some reason these are plummeting , just remember that as long as you remain with us , you can possibly win larger prizes during each 1000 likes or whenever the massive prizes (cars and such) are given out!So come now , what do you have to lose? Win free gift cards and possibly a car just by liking us on facebook and following us on twitter! The links to both will be on the far bottom , click those two for your chance to win huge prizes! keep smiling

bombing beginsObama has stated the following today " Good evening -- I just addressed the nation about the use of chemical weapons in Syria. Over the past two years, what began as a series of peaceful protests against the repressive regime of Bashar al-Assad has turned into a brutal civil war in Syria. Over 100,000 people have been killed. In that time, we have worked with friends and allies to provide humanitarian support for the Syrian people, to help the moderate opposition within Syria, and to shape a political settlement. But we have resisted calls for military action because we cannot resolve someone else's civil war through force. The situation profoundly changed in the early hours of August 21, when more than 1,000 Syrians -- including hundreds of children -- were killed by chemical weapons launched by the Assad government. What happened to those people -- to those children -- is...

Living in your car Were you recently evicted from your home ? Are you looking to take your entire life to the road? Well , luckily we have a list of three affordable vehicles that might keep you dry when the next depression strikes! Coming in at number three is the ford 200-2007 se/ses wagon , a vehicle of insurmountably cheap comfort! The ford taurus wagon will keep you dry , and folding the rear seats will give you two wonderful stretch beds! So now even when nuclear fallout ah begins to rain , you can sleep in comfort in your cheap vehicle! Have a beer while your at it , after all , it is an American car! ford taurus wagon (who knows if the new one is as awesome as the older ones)At number two , we have the Honda element ! A car designed to keep you out...

The vote to have the Olympics in Istanbul (bleh!) , Madrid , or Tokyo has ended! This has resulted in a very close victory of Tokyo over Madrid. Thus, the 2020 Olympics will be held in Tokyo! This will be Tokyo's first hosting of the games since 1964! And guess what? We will be covering it like we did the 2012 summer Olympics (but in more detail, promise) Woot! Tokyo wins 202 olympics 

demonstrators against war in SyriaFollowing congress' vow to "maintain order" in the world away , a declaration of non-restricted air bombardment was approved. Regardless of what happened, congress never really took the public opinion into account. Much like the days of the Spanish American war, the Korean war and the war in Vietnam , the people rather than the enemy seem to be a larger "cork" to the fountain of maintaining the war effort.Just today , a few hundred gathered outside of the White house , calling for a true test of democracy (implying all of America wants no more war, and our government is not acting in our interest).The results were really quite baffling. The crowd simply marched , sang and chanted against a "war built on a lie". Completely unopposed by police, the crowd clearly made their point heard (and that's why they get some coverage on here).Although this (much...

In a very baffling study , companies are getting ready to export dead USA chickens to china, have them processed there, and brought back here(witht he intention of selling them frozen and to fast food restaurants). Even with such facts as "arsenic in Chinese imported apple juices" and "lead paints in Chinese made children's toys" -- outsourcing does not have the best track record.These previous case studies are a cause for concern , and we certainly don't feel safe eating chicken "fabricated in china". Cutting costs at the cost of human lives is a terrible move on whoever decided to do this.Its impracticable to import non-dried meats from anywhere anyways. But how will the general populous react to this? Are Chinese standards equal to our standards? Will every sample be checked thoroughly? Is it practical or possible to check every sample?There are many questions to ask! It could be perfectly safe...

Accordingly toxic gas has been used in Syria , prompting congress to declare airstrikesToday is a very painful day for the United States. You see, our congress has elected to begin airstrikes on Syria. Not that this in any way is outrage at the fact that we are attacking in support of anarchist rubble , but we like to view this more as another reason why gas prices and taxes will rise.We have experience with this bullshit in the past, I mean after going after Iraq's "huge army" and obliterating it to pieces, our gas hit an all-time high, our currency value plummeted (and is continuing) , and the American people cant have as much fun anymore because we don't have as much money to spend on entertainment (no beer money brah).For the love of god, if our government wants to fight another war , even if it is "air only"...

samsung galaxygearWe never really saw the era of tablets as being possible. We still don't understand why anyone wants a tablet other than for the portability -- and of course they keep improving the specs every year.Anyways, the next big thing is just around the corner. And yes, we are even more skeptical of this idea than we were when beta testing windows 8. We are now talking about the concept "smart watch".This is basically a watch designed to include the capabilities of a smartphone. The idea was drafted by companies like samsung (creator of the samsung galaxy gear).Basically, this is a watch designed to read the weather, make phone calls, text (mainly operated via voice) , check emails, browse the web , play music, take photos, and promises to integrate with third party items like smart tvs (for larger blue tooth based display).But , is it really a good idea?...

obese manAlright fatboy , you came over here for advice right? Well, drop that jelly donut god fvcking damnit! It's time to turn those extra chins into a six pack (did I just really c0cksucking say that?)Ok son , first of all dieting is not for men , so we're not going to tell you to cut down on those god damn carbs. No, rather , you're going to chow down on similar shit and get lean at the same time.Do you motherfvcking love bread? Well too fvcking bad! White bread is all c0cksucking sugar , cocklet with a brown crust motherfvck! And all that white goodness goes to your thighs! Yeah, you better ditch it while you still have legs!Switch out that white bread for a whole wheat bread. The difference is really in the sugar levels , and sugar is higher in energy than that fvcking cellulose in the...

Cyborg Wouldn't it be awesome if you could augment your strength? How about flying using just your brain? The ideas of creating humanoid machines has been plaguing science fiction for almost a century now, but it is actually moving to reality. Inspirations from science fiction items such as implanted jet packs, mechanical arms and internally implanted underwater breathing devices have been developed by nations from as far back as ancient Greece. But think about this for just a small second. When you get in a car, you can almost feel it right? You don't necessarily physically feel the car, but you can determine that speed without looking at the speedometer, you can tell when you have hit a pothole or even a tiny crevice without actually seeing it, and you can sense how fast you need to go when changing lanes on the highway. Hell, you probably can feel the length...

A truly horrific incident took place last weekend. A man, high on hallucinogens saw some cops in front of his car. So, the man decided to stick his buttocks through the front windshield. In doing so, he impaled his anus with shards of glass. Police were alerted and began to chase him. The naked man countered their efforts by beginning to climb up local fire escape ladders. Police eventually got him down and began beating him with batons. The man continued to squirm and fondle his penis, so a taser was used to subdue the man , allowing police time to arrest him. This man will now be charged with indecent exposure, resisting arrest and disturbing the peace. This guy sounds like a real hero. Naked man tased

Workers were rather shocked to find a 22 year old naked man on the ground of a local supermarket yesterday morning. According to police reports, 22 year old Andrew Toothman was found lying in peanut butter and chocolate , naked in a local IGA market.Toothman not only left a mess, but he also wrote " I'm sorry" in nyquil all over the floor. Naked, drunk and covered in sweets. Toothman was charged with burglary , various other misdemeanors, and of course public indecency!This is a case of severe failiure. naked man covered in peanut butter and chocolate arrested

A public masturbator was doing his thing, fap fap fap and all , when a middle aged fat woman came near him. She instantly noticed he was masturbating and tried to look away, but her eyes couldn't do it! The man took off his shorts, showing her his massive pickle!She ran , calling for help (lol) , and police arrived shortly. Police grabbed the man , who claimed "I was just getting some sun!". Police beat the man and arrested him shortly after the incident, inditing him on charges of public masturbation , flashing , disorderly conduct and public nudity.This man now faces up to 10 days in prison for his heinous crime! hahahahaha! public fapper gets some sun

Luke ChriscoLuke Chrisco, perhaps the most perverted man of 2013 has been sentenced to three years in prison and ten years on parole for hiding in portable toilet sewers and spying on naked men and women.Luke Chrisco accordingly dug trenches under the septic tanks of the portable toilets , and placed cameras underneath , taping anyone that went in. Early last year, a woman reported a man running out of the sewer after being spotted, covered in feces.Police caught the man , sanitized him, beat him and took him to prison. He has been taped and confirmed more than twenty times by locals. Plus, his video footage shows much more. As a result, Luke Chrisco was sentenced to three years in prison. What a naughty man -- he wont be doing this again for a while.